Who or whom?
The formal rules of grammar state that "who" should be the subject of a verb or preposition, but "whom" should be the direct and the indirect object. There are still some people, myself included, who keep largely to these rules. We, therefore, avoid the danger I warn you of at the end of this explanation.
The majority of native speakers don't know when to use "whom", and they use "who" both as subject and object.
In formal English it was considered incorrect to end a sentence with a preposition, so the preposition is traditionally placed before "whom":
For whom was it intended?
With whom are you going to the concert?
This is no longer the case, and it is considered correct generally to say:
Who was it intended for?
Who are you going to the concert with?
The consequence of this is that it is now considered acceptable in normal speech to use "who" in most cases as subject and object.
HOWEVER, there are two exceptions which nobody but I will tell you:
1. If you place the preposition first, you should still use "whom". This is the case, particularly with recognised expressions:
To whom it may concern.
You cannot say, "To who it may concern." Apart from the fact that "to who" makes you sound like an owl, this use of "who" can never sound correct, even to an untrained ear.
2. If you are producing any legal document or a document which may be scrutinised or challenged, you must always use "who" and "whom" according to the formal rules. This is the reason:
The person whom you paid.
Here, it is clear that you paid the money; but,
The person who you paid.
Here, it could legally be argued that this means:
The person who paid you.
When it matters, you should always write correctly to avoid ambiguity. This is why languages have rules!
© Ashley Roffe
